Writing an Obituary: Tips for a Perfect Tribute

Writing an obituary for my father was both a deeply personal and profoundly challenging experience. I found myself reflecting on his passions, likes, and values, capturing the essence of who he was as a person. 

It was about more than just listing his accomplishments; it was about conveying the nature of his spirit, the warmth of his smile, the wisdom in his advice, and the kindness in his actions.

As I went through the process, I realized the profound impact of words in providing comfort to those who mourned his loss. 

Sharing stories and anecdotes became more than just a means to commemorate my father’s life; it was a way to celebrate the essence of being a loving father, a devoted friend, and a pillar of strength.

Writing his obituary taught me the profound importance of honoring a loved one’s legacy with authenticity and compassion. It was a powerful reminder of the impact we leave on others.

 When difficult times come unexpectedly, it can be challenging to know how to create a meaningful obituary that honors your loved one’s life respectfully and memorably. I’d like to offer some tips to help you through this process.

Understanding the Purpose of an Obituary

You’re carrying on a valuable tradition when you set out to write an obituary. An obituary’s traditional purpose is to publicly announce a loved one’s passing. This often includes a brief account of their life, meaningful relationships, and accomplishments they may be known for.

An obituary informs, honors and records pertinent details about the funeral or memorial services, allowing you to share information with the community. It also serves as a digital record of life, an online memorial that lives on.

Types of Obituaries

When writing an obituary, you’re documenting facts and weaving together the threads of someone’s life story. While there are various styles and formats, obituaries generally fall into two main types: standard obituaries and short announcements. 

Both types of obituaries have their place, depending on the preferences of the deceased and their family and the community’s norms or publication. Regardless of the format, the goal remains the same: to honor the memory of the departed and offer comfort to those who mourn their loss.

Standard Obituaries

Standard obituaries are more detailed and narrative-driven. They offer a comprehensive overview of the deceased’s life, highlighting significant achievements, relationships, and contributions. 

They often include personal anecdotes, quotes from loved ones, and reflections on the person’s character and the legacy they leave behind.

Short Announcements

Sometimes referred to as death notices, short announcements are brief and to the point, serving primarily to inform the community of the death. They typically include essential details such as the person’s name, age, date of death, and sometimes funeral arrangements. 

They are concise and straightforward, providing basic information without delving into extensive details about the person’s life.

Writing the Obituary

I see an obituary as a way to honor a loved one’s life story, highlighting who they were and the life they lived. It’s my opportunity to share their journey with others, celebrate their personality, and mark their passing with respect.

Starting With The Basics

Begin by announcing the deceased’s name, age, and place of residence, as well as the cause of death if you choose to include it. 

Your opening should also mention the date of passing, creating a basic framework for readers to understand who the obituary concerns and the immediate facts of their passing. 

Biographical Sketch

In this section, provide key biographical information. Start with the date and place of birth, then outline significant events like education, marriage, family, and career achievements.

A well-structured list ensures the important aspects of the person’s life are easy to digest.

Significant Life Events

The most memorable aspects of an obituary often include significant events like achievements, awards, and community involvement, especially in philanthropy and public service. These form the essence of a memorable obituary. 

They celebrate the individual’s impact on others and inspire others to carry on their legacy of kindness and generosity.

Service and Memorial Information

Clear and detailed service information aids acquaintances, friends, and family in planning their attendance and allows them to pay their respects meaningfully. Personally, I’ve found this attention to detail makes a significant difference in these moments.

​Funeral Service Details

Provide details about the memorial or funeral service, including the date, time, and location. I also suggest clarifying whether the event is public or private. 

Include any special requests or instructions for attendees, such as a dress code or whether photography is permitted. Don’t forget to check the funeral home website for additional information or updates regarding the service.

For example, you might write:  

• Service Type: Memorial Service (Public)
• Date: May 26, 2024
• Time: 1:00 PM
• Location: Springfield Community Church, 456 Harmony Road, Springfield
• Dress Code: Casual, light colors

Memorial Contributions

In place of sending flowers, families often ask for donations to a memorial fund or charity that was significant to the deceased. In the Donations and Charitable Requests section, if your loved one prefers donations, inform readers of the desired memorial fund or charity.

In my case, my father’s wish was to donate to the Save the Whales Foundation due to his fascination with the sea.

Personal Touches

Special Messages and Quotes

I recommend adding a special message or favorite quote incorporating your loved one’s philosophy or spirit. For example, if they always said, “Live life to the fullest,” include that as a central theme.

Perhaps, during their high school graduation speech, they shared a quote that became their life’s mantra. Including it adds a layer of intimacy and significance.

Mention of Close Relationships

Detail the significant relationships that shaped your loved one’s life. Acknowledging the love of his life, best friend, or special friend spotlights the depth of their connections—for instance, their love, best friend and close friends.

Additional Details

Celebrating your loved one’s unique achievements and the communities they cherished is key. It’s a chance to honor their passage through the world, showing who they truly were and the impact they made.

Achievements and Contributions

Suppose your loved one has a military service background, a long list of honors, or notable contributions to specific fields. List these accomplishments clearly and concisely to celebrate them. 

Remember, you’re honoring their legacy, so highlight the impact of their achievements on their colleague and local community.

Affiliations and Interests

Detailing your loved one’s affiliations and interests provides a fuller picture of who they were. Whether they were involved in community groups or had particular hobbies, this is your chance to share what they loved. This section adds depth to their life stories and helps readers make personal connections by recalling their shared experiences with their loved ones.

Closing the Obituary

As you conclude an obituary, I advise you to maintain the tone set earlier while providing closure; this part offers a gentle farewell, leaving readers with a lasting impression of the person’s life and legacy. 

Your closing words should honor the life of your loved one, staying true to the character and values they appreciate. A well-crafted obituary provides information and tells a story that leaves a lasting impression. Your final words are integral to this tribute, so give them the thought and reverence they deserve.

Ultimately, how you decide to conclude an obituary is a personal choice. It should reflect the nature of your loved one and their impact on those around them, whether brief or more detailed; your parting words will carry the spirit of farewell and remembrance.

Practical Considerations

It is always important to consider where you’ll publish the obituary and understand any associated costs.

Choosing a Platform for Publication

You will find several options for publishing an obituary. A local newspaper is a traditional choice, especially if your loved one is well-known in the community. Consider the New York Times or another major publication for a broader reach. 

Popular social media platforms can also serve as a modern and accessible place for your announcement. It’s helpful to use an obituary template to ensure all necessary details are included, regardless of the platform chosen.

Costs and Logistics

Understanding the costs and logistics is crucial. Publications usually charge by line or word count; including a photo might incur additional fees. 

Here’s a brief breakdown:

• Basic Costs: Text fees (often per line or per word).
• Extra Charges: Additional fees per photo, long paragraphs, or decorative borders.
• Legal Requirement: Sometimes, an obituary must meet specific standards to serve as a legal notice.

When inquiring, ask about package deals, including print and online publications. Also, check if the newspaper provides an obituary sample to help estimate the length and cost.

 You can create a draft using a free online obituary template to get an idea of the length and potential price before submitting.

Finalizing the Obituary

Review and Editing

Revising and polishing the content is vital once you’ve written your first draft. Start by reading aloud to catch any awkward phrasing or typographical errors. Always ask for feedback from family members or friends who can provide a different perspective. 

Include any final wishes or statements reflective of the person’s life at the end of the obituary to provide closure.

Checklist for Review:

• Grammar and spelling
• Accuracy of dates and names
• Tone and message
• Inclusion of key memories or attributes

Submission Process

Each publication provides a step-by-step guide for submitting an obituary, so following the specific guidelines is crucial. You must determine the obituary’s length restrictions, cost, and deadlines. Ensure you have all necessary documentation, including a death certificate or funeral home verification.

Common Steps:

• Contact the publication for guidelines and pricing.
• Decide on the length of the obituary based on personal preference and budget.
• Submit by the provided deadline, typically a few days before the desired publication date.

Conclusion

When you’ve finalized your loved one’s obituary, it’s important to take a moment to reflect on the narrative you’ve crafted. It should be a heartfelt summary of their life, highlighting their notable accomplishments and the legacy they leave behind.

Before publishing, I recommend double-checking every aspect of the obituary meticulously. Review for any grammar errors, ensure that the tone is respectful and appropriate, and verify that all details, including dates, names, and locations, are accurate. 

This careful review process is essential to honoring your loved one’s memory with the dignity and reverence it deserves.

Consider how you’ll share the obituary once you’re satisfied with it. You can distribute it through various means, such as online platforms, print newspapers, or at a memorial service. 

By taking these steps before publishing, you can ensure that the obituary is a fitting tribute to your loved one’s life and legacy.

An obituary serves as more than just an announcement of passing; it also creates a cherished record for future generations. It preserves the memory of your loved one, capturing the essence of their life, accomplishments, and impact on others. 

Through the heartfelt words and stories shared in an obituary, your loved one’s legacy lives on, inspiring and comforting those who come after.